June 2012
im so hip im practically a pelvis
Americans lived together in harmony. Then...
How you act when you hear a dirty joke..
With your friends:
With your family:
With younger kids:
-makemesmile:
if someone ever cheats on me im going to invite them for a romantic candle lit dinner in a deserted area and then im going to tell them stories about how i killed my ex boyfriend in the woods because he cheated on me and then im going to point to the trees and say “actually those woods right over there” and then im going to blow out the candle and laugh
consequentialism:
if i had a dollar for every time i was a third wheel
If your pants were a .rar file, I would unzip them
laugh-here-stay-here:
to stop kids from doing drugs they should just give the drugs less cool names
if ecstasy was called “moist curdle” i can assure you that nobody would be interested in trying it
future
my children: mom, we want concert tic-
me: sure
